Beck - Diamond Bollocks

(Bong Load, 1998)

This: a sharp little bonus included in the Mutations LP, with a deluxe sleeve that folds out into a full-color lyric sheet. Thank you, Bong Load Records! And thank you, future pimply eBay idiot who will horribly overpay me for said LP + 7”! Now that we’re all COOL with each other after that groovy intro, let’s discuss the contents of this extremely valuable and OOP and RARE and MINT and L@@K!! and NO RESERVE bit of music. “Diamond Bollocks” is an unlisted track on the CD version of the album – sensibly, because it’s very different from the rest of that material – and HECK, if I went and called “Halo of Gold” multisectioned in an earlier review, I sure as shoot shoulda held off until I got to this one. Fast sections, slow sections, weird multitracked vocals, harpsichord, fuzz guitar freakout (hilariously cut into by the sound of birds chirping)… it’s all here in this sprawling, bewildering mess that still manages to be totally catchy at every turn. Rocks uncharacteristically hard at times, too, thanks to excellent live drumming by (I assume) Joey Waronker. Too bad that B-side rarity “Runners Dial Zero” spoils the party by being such a dirge and a drag; just echo-heavy vox, a plunked piano, and some sort of bassy rumble, all of which adds up to NUTTIN MUCH. So screw it and screw you.

No! Wait wait wait wait wait! Not you. I LIKE you.

Oh, hey, when bidding starts, can we somehow get the morons who drive the prices on Brian Jonestown Massacre 12”s up into the triple digits to become involved as well? Thanks; that would be great.

Beck - Steve Threw Up

(Bong Load, 1994)

An early Beck single, and the only label-released pre-Odelay material – other than the Western Harvestfield 10” – to remain unavailable on the popular CD format (The goofy NIN-esque noizefest “Mutherfuker” on the B-side is essentially the same as the Mellow Gold version, despite the alternate spelling. There is a brief, profane rap appended to it, however). Friend Hansen was actually a funny fellow back in those days, churning out entertaining little story-songs left n right – “Steve Threw Up,” “Mexico,” “Satan Gave Me a Taco” – which, sadly, was to no longer be the case once he got all Serious and Grown Up and Critically Acclaimed by the late 1990s. Too bad: those were some hilarious ditties! Now, take for example this here “Steve Threw Up,” whose lyrics first establish that Steve took some bad acid, then describe the increasing horror of the streetfair at which he finds himself, then list the many disgusting foods he recently consumed, then, finally, the whole thing explodes into violent electronic retching to simulate the titular upchucking. Delivered in that marble-mouthed, pre-“Deadweight” drawl, Beck lays out his tale over some humorously pretty acoustic guitar, violin, female “aaaah”s, and brushed drums. Well done all around; worth many a laugh, yet strong enough to warrant wheelbarrows of repeat listens and elevate itself above novelty-song status. There are a bunch of colored-vinyl repressings glutting the market, so why not check the heck outta one of em?

You know, I vaguely remembered reading on the ancient Truck-run Beck site, back in ’96 or so, about the REAL STEVE who inspired this song. Looking into the matter again twelve years on, it turns out that the dude is my pal on Facebook! And he made a film about Neil Hamburger! Who can deny that this internet is a crazy thing!